Fractions
by joyousbrokenthing
Summary: Songfic "You keep coming back disassembled and I keep losing this fight." C/B


_one and three, you're here  
to tell me we can't do this  
i'll disagree_

"Never again. Do you hear me? This is the last time."

She's gone as quickly as she came. He's once again in bed looking after her shadow.

'Keep telling yourself that, darling' he thinks to himself.

_your hair and face against the mirror  
as i take the steps to save what's left of me  
someone's out when it's over_

As if some sick routine, she's back in his arms within a matter of days.

She's getting dressed in silence and he pretends to be asleep. They're afraid to speak. The wrong words will kill them both.

_people steal from you  
and they take anything they choose_

She's sobbing hard, fragile body crashing into his. She hasn't said a word, yet he already knows there's only one person who can break her like this. He's half relieved it isn't him, half angry he never could be.

'Leave him. Please. _For me_.' he thinks to himself. He doesn't find the courage to say those words out loud. Becauase deep down he knows no matter what he says, it doesn't matter. They're playing roles they cannot refuse.

_it's good to see you  
i missed you last night  
that's such a lovely color  
it goes with your eyes  
before we fall asleep  
i just wanted to say  
this all seems so easy  
but there's choices to make_

He distances himself. Changes his number, locks himself in his suite and drowns himself in scotch just to get rid of the thought of her. Still he could not manage to rid her scent in his room, her taste on his lip and her image in his mind. There was no escape.

She notices. When his number is disconnected she takes note. When he pretends to be absent when she can clearly hear his shallow breathing on the other side of the door she understands. She plays along and walks away, making a mental note that this was the last time that she will ever show up at his door.

_can't decide, then look at the faces  
candlelight  
we're burning the pages  
but ask us why  
and hurting ourselves with this false start  
resign yourself  
and always be (and we pretend)  
without the one (as if it gets easier)  
thing you need (but does it get easier?)  
reading words with no replies_

She feels as if she's in hell. Everytime she hears his name, everytime she sees a patterened scarf, everytime she smells the hint of scotch, she's lost in a haze of hurt and sadness.

'It's not supposed to feel like this' she reminds herself, 'Get a hold of yourself, you're a Waldorf after all.'

It doesn't take long before they run into each other. It's an awfully small world they live in. Polite smiles are exchanged masking breaking hearts. She's soon crying in a bathroom stall and he's drinking himself to death.

As she leaves to return home and take what's left of the half emptied bottle of sleeping pills she spots him climbing into his limo. Before she knows what she's doing she's climbing in after him, pinning him against the seat, crashing her lips into his. It takes a split second for the shock to wear off before he's kissing her back with equal desire. They repeat the routine they know so well. The pieces fall into place. They let their desire take over. After all, it's the only cure that can save them.  
_when we have these mornings where we can say goodbye_

i wanted to mean everything to you  
but this isn't right  
you keep coming back disassembled and i  
keep losing this fight

When he wakes up, she's gone as expected. He almost wants to jump off the Brooklyn bridge for giving in to her. Blair Waldorf will be the death of him. He can almost guarantee it.

_i won't  
answer_

dancing under starlight glow  
no one in the city knows  
confidence can take you  
nerves try to shake you  
from going all the way

She's laughing again. She's reclaimed her throne fully and returned to being the girl the he used to know. Well, almost. They continue their tortured affair and he can't tell if that's the reason she's smiling or her seemingly perfect relationship with Nate. He guesses it's the latter.

Truth is, he barely even knows her anymore. The more times they meet, the more distant they become. Chuck realizes he misses his friend.

_it's not that far  
we watch the tide roll in  
with cold air and coffee cakes  
holding our words at lips  
stopping the sounds they make  
we know the way to go  
we know each step to take  
to be here_

When the Waldorf-Archibald engagement has been set in stone and invitations had been sent out Chuck decides to do business in Monoco. Blair says she doesn't care that he's gone, it's for the best anyway. It's a surprise to everyone around them when Chuck marries the first gold digging whore he meets in Monoco. Within days they're honeymooning in Dubai and Gossip Girl declares it's true love. Chuck plays along and Blair shrugs it off. It's a good thing they're such good liars. __

these words with no replies  
stopping we's and starting i's  
this need is killing me  
and taking me over

When he finds out she overdosed on Vicodin and vodka the night before her wedding he takes the first plane back to New York. He waits painfully outside the hospital room with Nate, offering words of comfort when he himself was on the verge of breakdown.

Hours later when Nate has snuck out for much needed coffee Chuck pays the nurses off and sneaks into her room. Seeing her fragile body hooked up to machines twice her size made Chuck wince. He sits down besides her and grasped onto her cold hands for dear life.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I never fought for you."

And he doesn't know what else there is to say. He doesn't know what else she would've wanted him to say. If she even wanted him there at all. He leaves before Nate returns, sends him a lousy text message about some unfinished business in Monoco.

Chuck returns to the arms of his loving wife in a house too large for comfort because that's all that he knows how to do. When his wife askes about his old friend and declares how much she had missed him during his trip he smiles and responds with a lazy kiss. He doesn't have the courage or strength to tell her she will never be loved nearly as much as he once had a broken brunette.

8 days later Chuck found himself at a place he had leased expected. He throws a much needed punch at his former best friend behind the church doors.

"What the fuck did you do to her? How did she not get better? You were supposed to protect her Nate! She chose you to protect her! How did you let it turn out this way?" Chuck screams through hysterical cries.

"You tell me." Nate responds coldly, eyes fixated on the floor.

His young blonde wife pushes him away from Nate and she finally understands that she will never be loved as much as the girl lying in the next room.

When the guests have arrived and the papparazzi have been blocked off by security Chuck recomposes himself and sits in the last row of the church. Grasping tightly onto his wife's hand, he hides behind shaded glasses as all of the secrets they have shared are buried along with the love of his life.__

i wanted to mean everything to you  
but this isn't right  
you keep coming back disassembled and i  
keep losing this fight


End file.
